


might even blow your mind

by untilitbreaks



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Comfort No Hurt, Fluff, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Pre-Debut ENHYPEN, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28226952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untilitbreaks/pseuds/untilitbreaks
Summary: “To be honest,” Heeseung says, and Jungwon braces himself, because he knows what Heeseung is going to say and he isn’t ready for it, “I want you to be leader, Jungwon-ah.”[The night before ENHYPEN’s leader is revealed to the group, Jungwon can’t sleep. Heeseung is there to remind him of his worth, and the value of his teammates.]
Relationships: Kim Sunoo & Nishimura Riki | Ni-Ki, Lee Heeseung & Yang Jungwon, Lee Heeseung/Yang Jungwon
Comments: 6
Kudos: 87





	might even blow your mind

**Author's Note:**

> i genuinely wasn’t planning on writing these boys until later, but jungwon’s interview from the weverse magazine yesterday hit me hard and spawned this. i had a lot of fun and am looking forward to writing them in the future!! (i write a lot in general - linked my twitter in the end notes!!)
> 
> also - there aren’t any warnings to be aware of here. with that, enjoy!!

* * *

Jungwon can’t sleep.

Tomorrow is packed with one of their busiest schedules yet, including dance practice and vocal lessons and several meetings, and his alarm is set to go off in a few hours. He can barely keep his eyes open, but he’s still restless. He closes his eyes and listens to the quiet noises of his members sleeping—their soft breathing, Jongseong’s sheets rustling as he rolls over—and quells the panic that rises up in him at the thought that he might not sleep before morning.

It’s almost as if his exhaustion is making it even harder for him to sleep. His whole body is in pain, and rest will heal this some, but only in preparation for him to exert himself even more in the morning.

Jungwon sighs.

He’d thought that he couldn’t work harder than he already was on I-LAND, where he only slept a few hours a night and spent every waking moment practicing or talking to the other trainees about practicing. Training at SM Entertainment had been brutal, but it was nothing compared to the rigorous competitive environment during I-LAND, both in intensity and in how much it forced him to improve in a short amount of time.

Preparing for debut in two months after officially becoming a team is a completely different ball game. It’s vocal and dance lessons and recording and filming—for variety shows and merchandise and dozens of performances and so much else Jungwon only manages to keep track of the days through the selcas he posts on social media. Interacting with fans had been a bit intimidating at first, but it’s what grounds Jungwon the most at this point.

Sleep is more or less a thing of the past. Jungwon tries to catch a few minutes of sleep every so often on set like the other members do, but everything is so new to him that he doesn’t want to miss a single moment of it. Filming their first music video is exhilarating, filming variety show appearances is fun, and Jungwon embraces every new thing he learns, about music and about being an idol.

It doesn’t feel real. None of it does. This is why, even at times like this, when Jungwon should be using his time to sleep wisely, he can’t. He lies in his bed and stares at the wall and is so tired he can’t even sleep, so excited and nervous he doesn’t know how to turn his brain off and stop thinking about choreo and all the mistakes he’s made in his interviews and the dozens of things he wishes to improve on.

If Jungwon can’t sleep, he should at least make use of his time. He squints at the bright light of his phone when he turns it on. He could communicate with fans on Twitter or Weverse, but his fans and managers alike would scold him for doing so at such a late hour. He could practice on his own for a while—this is, after all, the biggest perk of having so much open space in their dorm—but this always seems to wake the youngest members, who then want to join him, and then all three of them are scolded by at least one hyung.

He can take a walk, at least. He shouldn’t leave the dorm, because this will also get him scolded, but he can probably get a glass of water and maybe sprawl out on their sofa and watch videos—most likely their own, for monitoring—without disturbing any of the other members.

Jungwon shivers when his bare feet hit the floor. Sleeping without socks is a habit of his, so he always keeps a pair of slippers, the neon ones from I-LAND, by his bed. He glances around to make sure that the other members are asleep before leaving the room. None of them are light sleepers anymore, not with the schedules they have, but Jungwon would still feel bad if he woke any of them up.

They’ve spent so little time in their dorm recently that Jungwon is still getting used to it, but it feels more like home than I-LAND ever had, because now, at least, he always sleeps in the same bed and he knows for sure that his hard work will pay off.

Jungwon fills a glass with water and sits down at the table. They had worked together to clean up after dinner, except for Sunoo and Ni-ki, who had fallen asleep leaning against each other at dinner. Sunghoon and Jaeyoon had practically carried them to their bunk beds, and afterwards, Sunghoon had gently asked Jungwon, “Are you going to sleep, too?”

Jungwon declined, both because he wasn’t sleepy and because he wanted to help his hyungs. Sometimes they baby him, and it reminds him of how young he really is, which he tries not to think about. After I-LAND, Jungwon had read comments online about how such a high-pressure environment couldn’t have been good for all of them, which was true—some talented trainees hadn’t made it far, due to stress and a hundred other factors. Jungwon thinks that it helped him grow faster than he would have at another agency, but the pressure had also affected him in ways that he couldn’t have anticipated.

They’re under a different sort of stress these days, but Jungwon thinks that he hadn’t really known his teammates until now. People act differently under pressure, and the members are more funny and easygoing than Jungwon had thought; they’re just teenagers who are meant to make mistakes rather than mistakes posing the threat of stealing their dreams away from them.

Every second of their lives is planned out now, but the burdens each of the members carry are lighter, at least for now. They have massive expectations to live up to, and with every passing day Jungwon struggles a little more with this, but the bigger part of him knows that he _is_ enough, and that his teammates are some of the best in the whole country, which means that they’ll overcome everything they need to together.

Jungwon crosses his arms on the table and sinks down into his chair to lie against them. The room is dark, but he doesn’t want to turn on the lights, because that would definitely wake up the other members. He glances at his phone. There are a few notifications, but after about four months spent in I-LAND without access to the Internet, he doesn’t feel the urge to check or use his phone often, especially with how busy he is. Heeseung’s Switch is charging on the counter, and Jungwon thinks that he would encourage him to use it if he thought it could help relax him before sleep.

Jungwon closes his eyes. _Heeseung._ More and more often, Jungwon has been confiding in Heeseung when he gets overwhelmed. He’s not the type to get stressed out often—especially with how meticulous the directions they’re given are—but sometimes it does get overwhelming, and at times like this, Jungwon talks things over with Heeseung.

The reality that they’re debuting so soon is still a lot to wrap his head around. Jungwon had gone from receiving little else than harsh criticism by the producers on I-LAND to being selected by fans to be in the debut group, and from hearing _Be prepared to explain why ratings were so low_ to seeing the millions of fans cheering for him on Weverse.

He worries about himself, but he worries about the other members, too, because he cares for them deeply and knows that if one of them is struggling, the whole group struggles, too. He thinks he might lose his mind if he hears another staff member say _You shouldn’t be so cold for someone who left the ice two years ago, Sunghoon-ssi_ or _Ni-ki-yah, the fans will worry if you don’t speak more during Vlives._ Truthfully, Jungwon doesn’t have the answers all the time, and he doesn’t know what’s best for them to portray as a group, especially during their debut. But sometimes all seven of them are tired from criticism and also elated from the excitement of their debut preparations, and emotions between the seven of them are running so high that Jungwon feels hopeless.

He squeezes his eyes shut. Thoughts like these are exactly why Jungwon isn’t able to sleep.

“Jungwon-ah?”

Jungwon flinches and sits up abruptly as Heeseung flips on the light. Heeseung must see the panic in his eyes, because he says, “No, no, it’s okay. I wanted to talk to you anyway.” He sits down across from Jungwon. “Can’t sleep?”

If Jungwon could pick one member _not_ to wake up, it would probably be Heeseung—or Sunghoon, or Ni-ki, or maybe he would feel equally bad about waking any of them up. But Heeseung is always the most exhausted out of any of them, and he often struggles to wake up for their early schedules, so Jungwon doesn’t want to keep him up.

“I’m sorry,” Jungwon says sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to wake anyone up.”

“I wasn’t asleep, either,” Heeseung says. Jungwon hadn’t even noticed. Heeseung _does_ look more put-together than he usually does after he wakes up. “Were you… worrying about something?”

Out of everything Jungwon is worried about, what’s been on his mind the most recently is their leader selection trials. They’ve taken dozens of personality tests and surveys and done several interviews with staff answering questions about themselves and each other, and tomorrow they’ll be reacting to the announcement of who their leader will be for ENHYPEN&Hi filming.

Everyone in the group thinks that their leader will be Heeseung. It’s the natural choice, between how well he’d led them during I-LAND and now, as they prepare for their debut. But a few days ago, the staff had taken them aside and told them that the final choice for leader was between the two of them, and although they don’t have to be the ones to decide it, they recommended that Heeseung and Jungwon talk between themselves.

In a little less than twelve hours, their leader will be revealed, and they still haven’t talked about it.

“Probably the same thing you are,” Jungwon says. He looks down at the table instead of at Heeseung. “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”

Truthfully, Jungwon has been avoiding Heeseung for the past few days. It’s difficult to do so considering that they live and work in such close quarters, but they spend most of their time busy or too tired to talk, aside from the group meetings they have a few times a week.

“To be honest,” Heeseung says, and Jungwon braces himself, because he knows what Heeseung is going to say and he isn’t ready for it, “I want you to be leader, Jungwon-ah.”

Jungwon had been preparing himself for this—had known that it could be a possibility, and had been imagining himself in the role of a leader ever since they’d started the selection process—but it’s still surreal to hear Heeseung say it.

Heeseung had never been keen on being their leader. He’d said on their very first day of being a team that he would want to share responsibility with another member if he was, and he’d repeated this again as they’d continued their leader selection trials, once with a pointed glance at Jungwon.

“I don’t know how you feel about this, and—we can talk it over, just us or with the staff, but I want you to hear me out,” Heeseung continues. “I think you would be the best leader for the team. All of us will support you, because we should all be leaders in our own way. But I think that you would be the best person for the members to turn to when they need a leader.”

As the choices for leader had been narrowed down, Jungwon had started to believe that he could end up as the leader of the group, but the idea was still new to him. Both him and Heeseung have a lot to learn, and at some point, Jungwon accepted that this would be something that both of them would struggle with irregardless of who became leader.

While filming I-LAND, Jungwon had learned that stress and fear hinder him more than anything. It had driven him forward during his trainee days, but there are many other things that make him grow—love and support and encouragement, all a part of the environment that their group has been working hard at creating ever since the finale of the show.

“I trust you if you think that this is best for the group,” Jungwon says. “We’re a team. Leading is a group effort. I want the members to be able to feel comfortable with our choice so we _can_ be an effective team.”

Heeseung grins and says, “Exactly. I think I can be the best version of myself as a team member and the oldest. If the oldest member becomes the leader, the other members might be hesitant to express their opinions clearly. I don’t want the pressure of leading alone because of that to change me.”

Jungwon suddenly feels regretful—the hours that he and Heeseung had spent lying awake could have been spent having this conversation together, and it isn’t nearly as painful as he’d thought it would be.

Why would it have been? Heeseung is the hyung Jungwon feels the most comfortable talking to. They understand each other on a level that makes sense to Jungwon.

Being a BigHit trainee, Jungwon was acutely aware of just how talented Heeseung was at everything he did—his very first performance at I-LAND had proven this—but he had soon learned not to be intimidated of him.

Instead, Heeseung is a dear friend. He’s also someone that Jungwon admires for his skills as an idol and on a more personal level. Hearing his praise means a lot to Jungwon, possibly more than Heeseung even knows.

“I’m worried that the other members will be disappointed,” Jungwon admits. “They’re expecting it to be you. I feel like they might have a hard time learning to trust me the way they trust you.”

He’s thinking of the older members when he says this, mostly. He knows that Sunoo and Ni-ki trust him, but they’re also used to looking to Heeseung for a leader. Jungwon is close with the older members in different ways, but the whole group is still working out the kinks in their chemistry.

This, and the fact that each of the members has bristled at some point after reverting back to the competitive mindset they had needed to survive during I-LAND. It’s been a long time since that had happened, thankfully—and they’ve all been embarrassed at some point after choosing to prioritize the individual over the group—but Jungwon still worries.

“How could they be disappointed?” Heeseung says, and he looks so genuinely confused at the idea that Jungwon feels warm all over. He has a way of making the other members feel good about themselves, and Jungwon is no exception. Heeseung leans across the table and meets Jungwon’s eyes; Jungwon’s heart flutters. “Do you want to know something that helps me?”

“Of course,” Jungwon says. “You’re a great leader. I want to know everything you have to teach me.”

This also makes Heeseung smile. “If there’s anything you should know about being a leader, it’s that you should pretend to know more than you do, and the members will have more trust in you, because they’ll know that there will always be a solution. And you _do_ know more than you think. You just have to learn to ask for help, too.”

Jungwon never would have guessed that Heeseung had been faking his confidence, but it makes sense to him as he considers how much he’s learned about Heeseung since the debut team was chosen. Will Heeseung be able to see through him when he has to pretend?

There’s so much he doesn’t know that it makes his head spin. “Are you sure you don’t want to be our leader?” he says.

Heeseung nods. “It’s not for me. But Jungwon-ah—” Hesitantly, Heeseung reaches across the table and grasps one of Jungwon’s hands. He laces their fingers together. It’s such casual skinship from him that Jungwon isn’t used to that his mind goes blank for a moment. “I felt a lot of pressure leading during I-LAND. I know you might struggle in the same way, but I don’t want you to feel too much pressure. You’ll be our leader, but we’re your members. We’re a team together.”

When Heeseung says things like this, it makes Jungwon think even more that Heeseung is the one who deserves to be leader. But it also makes Jungwon proud that Heeseung trusts him, and that he gets to be a part of a group so trusting and hardworking and loving,

“Come sleep with me, Jungwon-ah,” Heeseung says. He’s still wearing a gentle smile that makes Jungwon feel comforted, like he really will be a worthy leader and that their team will be okay. “We have a busy schedule tomorrow.”

It must be nearing dawn by now, and soon enough they’ll need to get up and prepare for the day. In a few hours, Jungwon will be revealed to the other members as their leader, and a whole new chapter of their careers will begin.

“Okay, hyung,” Jungwon says. Heeseung lets go of him so that he can stand and return to the bedroom with him. Heeseung shuts off the kitchen lights behind them, and when he sits down on his bed, he pats the space next to him for Jungwon.

Jungwon looks around the room at his members before following Heeseung. None of the others had woken up, or if they had, they’d also fallen back asleep. Sunghoon, Jaeyoon, and Jongseong are in the same positions Jungwon had left them in, Ni-ki is curled up around Sunoo, as usual. He claims that he’s grown up from having to sleep with him every night, but Ni-ki ends up spooning Sunoo like he’s a big teddy bear more often than not.

Jungwon hasn’t been the type to crawl into bed with his hyungs since the team had been finalized, at least not compared to Ni-ki. But Heeseung has always offered his bed to anyone who wants that comfort, and Jungwon thinks that it might benefit him just as much as it does the other members.

This is why it feels completely natural when Jungwon slides under Heeseung’s blankets and cuddles next to him the same way he’s seen Ni-ki sleep with Sunoo countless times. Jungwon ends up with his head pillowed on Heeseung’s arm and their legs tangled together. It feels a lot like on I-LAND, when Jungwon wasn’t just stressed, but scared.

“Thank you,” he whispers, hoping that it conveys the weight of everything he wants to say to Heeseung. Everything his hyung has done for him sometimes feels like too much to put into words. The best way he can thank him now is by being a leader that Heeseung will be proud of.

Heeseung’s other arm snakes around his waist. “Thank _you_. Yang Leader-nim.”

Jungwon stifles a smile, pressing his face against Heeseung’s arm.

When he closes his eyes, he falls asleep instantly.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/hopefulgcf)!!! i also stan bts and rant about enha a lot!!


End file.
